How customer service nearly drove me mad...

   Recently I bought a new truck. My old truck was needing substantial repairs & it just made economic sense to trade it & get a new one. My new truck came with 3 months Sirius XM, who I already had an account with for a few years because I had a portable Sirius unit (that's what she said) that I would move from my truck to Karans car. I enjoy satellite radio & since I'm in my truck so much I decided to renew for another 6 months, so I mailed them a check for $30. I noticed yesterday morning that it had cleared my bank so I figured everything was good...

                                                      Not so fast, Babu...

  Whilst driving along yesterday my Sirius cut off & the message on the screen said "subscription cancelled." What thee hell I think...I just saw that my check cleared with them. So with my cell phone I call the number scrolling across the screen. Oh....my.....God.....I was connected to "John." Lets just say that John probably wasn't his real name & he didn't live anywhere near the Sirius XM corporate office park. And it became painfully clear that John was new at this. Following is the official transcript of our conversation. Johns part will be played by that kid in Slumdog Millionaire. My part will be played by George Clooney...

John: How can I be of helping you today?

Me: I just renewed my Sirius & it was cut off today...

John: I will be very sorry for your inconvenience & will hope to service you. What is your name, phone number, address, radio ID, account number, mothers maiden name, shoe size & birth date?

Me: Blah, blah, 2342, Florida, etc.

John: Please hold.

                                           ~~~~~~~smooth jazz~~~~~~~~

    Now I am not a particular fan of smooth jazz, especially while I am driving down a busy road with my cell phone glued to my ear while trying not to crash. But after 6 minutes...

John: I have been seeing that you have two accounts with us?  

Me: Yes, my new truck & my previous account for my old Sirius unit.

John: This is the truck which you drive concurrently?

Me: Yes...you see I bought a new....

John: Hold please...

                                      ~~~~~~~~~~smooth jazz~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
By now my arm is starting to cramp & my ear is sweating...whether from the hot cell phone or the smooth jazz melting my brain I'm not sure. After 8 minutes... 

John: We will not see that you have made a payment. Can you provide a receipt?

Me: A receipt? When I send a check for my car payment for instance, they don't send me a receipt. Do you mean a cancelled check?

John: Hold please...

                              ~~~~~~~~~smooth fucking jazz~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John: I was sorry to be for putting you on hold, I had needs to check with my supervisor. Yes, we would require a copy of your check from your bank for verification of your payments... 

Me: Sigh.....OK John, where do I send it?

John: Hold please...

     ~~~~~~~~~smooth son of a bitch horn playing stick that sax up your ass I am flying to Mumbai John & I will kill you fucking jazz~~~~~~~~

   I could go on & on...but I think you get the drift. After a 30 minute cell phone conversation with India, I have to prove to them that I paid my bill. My blood pressure was up about 80 points & I had this strange compulsion to strangle Kenny G. In all fairness, John did temporarily turn my Sirius back on...so when I  track him down I will be gentle...  

Your own...personal...jeezy..: Our kayaking adventure (or how I survived Juniper ...

Your own...personal...jeezy..: Our kayaking adventure (or how I survived Juniper ...: " It all seems so innocent now... Hey, says I to Kbo...let's go kayak Juniper Springs! My doc had just cleared me from my shoulder surgery..."

Our kayaking adventure (or how I survived Juniper Springs)

   It all seems so innocent now... Hey, says I to Kbo...let's go kayak Juniper Springs! My doc had just cleared me from my shoulder surgery & I was itching to get back on the water. We decided to go last Sunday morning. I last kayaked Juniper, which is in the Ocala Forest, about 2 years ago with a kayak club & I was remembering how stunningly beautiful it was. As I was soon to learn, time can play tricks with the memory...

   In the week leading up to Sunday I decided that since we had our big 2 man kayak available, I would try to find some fellow paddlers. So, I DID find some, our friends Brian & Sue. But meanwhile Kbo also found 2, her coworker Sharon & her daughter Lexie. Ruh-roh! But Brian was able to borrow 2 kayaks so it was all good. So Saturday night I loaded the 5 kayaks in the back of my truck. A 10', 3-12' & the 16'...which I call
"The Beast", the blue one in the pic. This thing is built like a battleship & is just about as heavy. But we were all set for the next morning!

   I woke up at 6 AM. We weren't leaving here till 9, but I was raring to go. I farted around, drinking coffee, loading paddles & other miscellaneous, over thinking every last detail like I usually do. Finally at about 8:30 I decided to run up to 7/11 for a donut & chocolate milk, just to get something in my stomach & kill some time 'cause I'm all amped up. So I drive home, back into my driveway and......

  did this to my truck! Did I mention that my truck is only about 2 months old? Aaaaaarrrggghhh! In my amped up over analyzing state of mind I have forgotten I have the 16' long Beast in the back of my truck & rammed it right into my house! The house...did not move. But the Beast pushed the back of my bed into the cab of the truck, causing the rear window to shatter & glass fly everywhere. Oy friggin' vey. Of course, the Beast was unharmed, as it could survive a nuclear winter. When our guests arrived, they looked at me quizzically, as if to say... you are the one leading us into the wilds of the Ocala Forest?

   But off we went! We left Brian's minivan at the ending spot, then went on to Juniper Springs State Park. We unloaded our gear & finally hit the water. This is a first magnitude spring, so when you start your trip just past the boil, the current is moving pretty good. Here's the beginning of the run:

   It's hard to keep a camera dry while you're fighting a current so I didn't get many pics. But I did get a good shot of a Florida Sasquach:

 
Look out Sue, there's a Sasquatch on your tail! Oh my bad, that's just my friend Brian in his hair shirt. Sorry Brian old pal! Here's a better pic of Brian & Sue...before the carnage ensued...

   And here is the group shot...actually what I thought would be the last shot ever taken of us that the authorities would release to the newspapers for our obituaries or whatever:

   Doesn't Kbo look stylish in her Gilligan hat? And young Alexis is really the only one who should have survived, being more fit than all the rest of us put together. We took this break probably only a mile into our almost 8 mile trip. I traded with Sharon, who had been fighting the Beast mightily. I took the rear of the Beast (that's what she said) & she took my yellow sit on top.

   I have kayaked many waterways in this state, and this is one of the toughest paddles I have ever done. It seemed way way harder than the last time I was here. Super tight in places, trees down all over the place, over logs, under trees, in the bank, in the bushes...all with a very strong current pushing you into that next spider web. It...was...tough. Poor Kbo was verklempt. What started out as a fun paddle became a super strenuous game of survival.  And I kept telling them, the halfway picnic point is just ahead. But I never found it. Just more grueling hairpin turns under & over downed trees.

   And then, we came upon 2 ladies pulled off to the side. They told us about the rapids just ahead. There are no rapids in Florida I think to myself as we rounded the bend & saw the rapids. What the hell? I don't remember any rapids. But there they were & before you knew it...whoosh...we were flying over them hanging on for dear life. So on & on we go, one challenging section after another till we finally hear...civilization! We made it to the take out!

   Since we had cleverly brought a vehicle here beforehand, we wouldn't be like the other shlubs waiting for the shuttle. No sir, we would just get in the nice air conditioned minivan & drive back to the Park to get my truck. That is, until Brian remembered how he had cleverly locked his keys in the glove compartment of my truck so as not to lose them. Yes, the truck way back at the Park. So we talked the shuttle guy into giving me a lift, got my truck, loaded up & got the hell outta there. I think I left a trail of broken glass from my rear window all the way home.

   And now today, my truck is in the body shop, easy fix they say...I might even get it back Friday. As bummed as I was, it coulda' been a whole lot worse. And I think of how much fun we had. Sue laughing hysterically with Karan & keeping her spirits up. Brian usually bringing up the rear in case somebody got stuck. And when Sharon got into my single kayak, she was like a kid in a candy store.We usually only saw the back of her head as she was flying around a turn. And I remember Lexie looking at me & saying..."you really don't remember there being rapids?" 

    And here's why. On the shuttle ride back I asked the guy why it seemed so much harder than 2 years ago & he said...it's because the water is so much lower now. Aha! And because of cutbacks there isn't enough help to keep the run as clear of downed trees as they used to. I have been vindified! So...if you do the Juniper Run anytime soon...either wait for rain or take a chainsaw...

  But where are we going this weekend?!!!!!!

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