"I did it...myyy waaaayyy"........

  So I'm thinking I may just have an itsy bitsy teeny weeny tiny touch of...OCD. Not anything serious like hoarding 49 pairs of grimy work socks in case I have 49 days of grimy work. That would be over the top. I only have about 36. Or so, but whose counting?

  OK...I'm counting. I'm frigging counting all the time. Lately I've been counting at the gas pump, watching the little digital numbers fly by with mind numbing speed, hoping I don't get distracted by that damnable sign on the pump advertising that delicious looking chicken biscuit...which I like to call "Bisquet de Salchida." Because if I get distracted I might miss stopping on AN EXACT DOLLAR AMOUNT. Not $20.01 or $40.03. It must be AN EXACT DOLLAR AMOUNT. And God forbid I should forget to hit the "Clear" button when I am done debiting. We have all seen those interweb stories of people stealing MILLIONS OF DOLLARS out of our accounts...Not me, Mr. Pump Scanner Guy...

  But let's get back to the house. In our silverware drawer we have 2 different types of spoons. These are forbidden to ever co-mingle. Spoons with flowery design have their slot, and spoons with lines on them have their spot. Putting these 2 in the same slot would instantly open a portal to hell. And of course I, like everybody else, rotates my dishes. When they come out of the dishwasher the clean plates have to go under the not as clean plates...because as everyone knows you have to rotate your dishes so they will wear evenly. Duh...! And I am a recycling Nazi. If you ever come to my house & throw a cardboard toilet paper tube in the trash, you will receive a sound thrashing...

  And did I mention my Power Underwear? (capitalized for emphasis) I know that you know what I know. If you have an important meeting or a job interview or possible sexy time you search through your underwear drawers for that just right non saggy tight elastic no skid mark pair of perfect undies. Perfect undies are power my friends! You all know this. I was nearly late to my own wedding because of a boxer malfunction.

   So there you have it. And after going back & reading all of this...I'm starting to think I may be crazier than Catherine Zeta-Jones...


 

Facebook : friend or foe?

   Aaaahhh....Facebook. What an interesting animal this is. A place to find old friends & correspond with current & new friends or...middle school all over again? I use it as a fun place, to write little stories & post goofy pictures & share music & talk sports & embarrass Kbo. It seems there is no limit to the idiotic things I will do on Facebook. I love to have fun with people...

   But I am very selective with who I friend. I am not in any kind of race to see who can collect the most people. If we are Facebook friends, it means that you or I might find each other at least a little bit interesting. You are somebody I want to interact with. I like reading about your kids & looking at your pictures & hearing about your job...I find it really entertaining & cool to have this little peek into your lives...

   OK, here comes the whiny part. I wonder why some of my carefully chosen friends never interact with me? I respond to their stuff when I can, trying to be friendly & funny but not creepy & pushy. I try to always see the good in people. I don't necessarily think that some of my friends are narcissists or cliquey...maybe they just have way too many friends to interact with. If you have 300 or 500 or 1,000 friends, how in the hell would you choose what to respond to?

   But don't get me wrong. That's a very small minority of my Facebook friends. Almost every one of my friends I have known on some personal face to face level at one time or another. And I don't really think about the other few who never respond, I just find it a curious Facebook phenomenon...

        Which leads me to these two very interesting Facebook features...Birthdays and Relationships!

   I used to be kind of ambivalent about birthdays but I've changed my ways. If it's your special day, the least I can do is drop you a note wishing you happiness. It's the little things, right? Now Relationships...that's a whole other matter. How many times have you seen the happy chatter of someone about their significant other, only to one day see that their Relationship Status has changed to...single? It's sometimes like a Greek tragedy played out right in front of you...

  So those are a few of my thoughts on Facebook. All in all I find it a fascinating place to play. And to those of you who refuse to play...I will hunt you down & eat your liver with some Fava beans & a nice Chianti.


          Oh yes, I can be very creepy indeed....................;->

Almost famous...

Recently I sat down for a Q & A session with a reporter for the Lake County Landfill Gazette to discuss an article appearing this month, "Landscaping with Bear Trash...Nasty Garbage or Post-Modern Expressionism?"


Q: Mr. Jeezy, how did you arrive at such an unconventional placement of garbage in your lot?

A: Well...it really is a total group effort. Dimmy Mouthbreatho provides the breathtaking array of Cocoa Puff boxes, Twinkie wrappers & Dominoes Pizza boxes & Mr. Bear artfully rearranges it into the masterpiece you see today. Really, my lawn is just the canvas...


Q: Was their any local resistance to this avant garde style of working with trash?

A:  At first the neighbors had some issues...County Sheriffs came out, Code Enforcement came out, Florida Fish & Game came out. Once they realized what a formidable proponent of garbage Mr. Mouthbreatho is, they soon learned that resistance is futile...


Q: Do you mean that there is nothing they could do?

A: Apparently not. The sheer brilliance of Dimmy is...if HE snuck over in the middle of the night & dumped trash all over my lot, he would be in violation of several laws. But since Mr. Bear is the actual artiste', that is perfectly fine!


Q: So there has been no further backlash?

A: Supposedly Code Enforcement has cited him, supposedly Fish & Game is sending a Game Warden around to make him secure his trash, supposedly pigs will fly up & down Wolfbranch Creek...we will just have to wait & see...


Q: And you have not been pressured to pick up this so called "mess?"

A: Sir, we are doing art here. Please show some respect. I will be picking up the "mess" as soon as the pigs fly up & down Wolfbranch Creek...


Q: Anything new on the horizon?

A: Why...yes! We are working on a new project that may include a collection of bio-waste! Mr. Mouthbreatho recently had surgery for Diverticulitis, apparently when you eat really crappy food, it messes up your system. Who knew? He is kindly donating his collection of used gauze, Tucks pads & incontinence diapers...along with a variety of syringes & colostomy bags. We are very excited! So stay tuned for further developments...